It’s Hard to Make Friends When You’re Twice Exceptional – Except When it Isn’t

Kismet. 

Fortune. 

Fate. 

Luck. 

Those are a few ways of describing what happened to me today. In a world full of distractions—screens, deadlines, and endless possibilities—we often overlook the most rewarding opportunities. Ironically, our FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) can actually cause us to miss out on the very things that matter most. Today, I happened to look up from my screen, and here’s what happened.

First, let me back up and make this story relevant to the gifted and distractible community, I’ll say this: Twice-exceptional individuals—no matter their age—truly value meaningful connections. Do they cherish deep relationships because they’re so hard to come by, or are these relationships rare because genuine connections are what they truly seek? My experience today highlights the significance of authentic relationships and the fulfillment that comes from connecting on deep, meaningful levels—something that can only happen when we allow ourselves to embrace that possibility.

For many 2e people who tend to have a harder time finding peers with whom they want to connect, let alone those with whom they connect deeply, there is doubt and skepticism over finding this type of friend. But when it does happen, it tends to happen fast and furiously, and if we aren’t able to let our guard down, take a chance, and find out more – who knows what we are missing.

As I traveled today it wasn’t long before I realized I really needed a third hand. I boarded the airplane carrying a colossal Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee and quickly realized that I couldn’t stow my suitcase in the overhead bin, drop my backpack and phone on the seat, and simultaneously balance this bathtub of coffee. As I reached over to lower my tray table, my seatmate lamented that she didn’t have time to grab her beloved coffee beverage. “I love coffee!” I exclaimed. (If you know me, you know that I have a love affair with each and every cup of coffee I drink and if you’re ever in my kitchen early in the morning you will hear me exclaim, “I love you!” to my mug of perfectly brewed espresso with foamed milk and sprinkles of cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg.) 

Back to the airplane. 

Once I got into my seat, I started receiving poodle photos on my phone. Prior to boarding I was speaking with a poodle breeder who was telling me about potential puppies. (If you know me, you know I adore poodles and have raised two standards – Rosko and Tigger, and grew up with a toy poodle named Princess. We called her “Prinny” because she was far too cool for her given name. Check out my Smart Dog blog to read my take on the gifted poodle breed.) My airplane seatmate exclaimed – “I LOVE poodles!”  and started showing me photos of poodles she knew.

I thought to myself, “Okay, two Venn diagram interests with this stranger – weird.” Then came the two really unbelievable shared interests. My seatmate kindly asked me about my life’s work. Her mouth literally dropped open as I described what I do with the twice exceptional community. As with many people who first learn about twice exceptionality, this woman realized she knew exactly what I was talking about – recognized it in people close to her, but never had a way of describing the coexistence of brilliance and neurodiversity. She was so interested and engaged and wanted to learn more – which of course, I LOVED, because my mission is to help the world recognize and understand the twice exceptional profile. 

As if this wasn’t enough, when I asked her about her passions, she described an incredible journey to starting her own company working in the optics world. “WHAAAAAAAT?” That’s exactly what one of my sons studies!

Weird.

Wow.

Cool.

For the entire fifty-five-minute flight we non-stop chatted as though we were long lost forever friends (which is exactly what it felt like). We commented how “at our age” it’s such a miracle to find someone you immediate connect with and someone you realize will now become a lifelong friend. We both laughed at the fact that we NEVER engage with people on airplanes, that it was unheard of that she didn’t have her air pods in her ears and that I engaged in conversation instead of working on the plane as I usually do.

When we reached our destination, we hugged and promised to follow up to continue our newfound friendship that felt like we already knew each other for decades. 

What a blessing.

What a shocker.

What fun!

And all this to say – my 2e friends, colleagues, and clients – take the risk. If there is a thread of similarity, pull on it and see where it takes you. Trust in the universe and in yourself – it’s completely worth your time and effort.