March is Women’s History Month. My media strategist asked me if I’d like to highlight a particular woman on my social media channels. Yes, I did. Then we started talking about Neurodiversity Week, which also occurs in March. It got me thinking. Why do we designate certain days and dates? Is it to raise awareness? To celebrate? Commiserate? Is it part of the never ending modern quest toward finding meaning in an otherwise chatter-filled, background-noise-overwhelming world? Yes. Yes, to all of it. But here’s the hitch, being 2e, parenting 2e, and serving 2e are 24/7 endeavors. I started to wonder how to make understanding, awareness, and acceptance daily endeavors instead of every-once-in-a-while celebrations.
Remaining present is a refrain we often hear in the context of connection. There is so much that distracts away from what’s right in front of you, what is 3D and real and tangible. Yet we find ourselves drifting back toward screens, wishes, hopes, and disappointments. We keep ourselves from seeing, truly seeing the beauty that is literally right in front of us. We struggle to understand the exceptionality and individuality of our own 2e-ness or our child’s. We don’t need a day or a week or a month to tell us we have something special – it’s there for us every single moment of every single day (for better or for worse).
Here are three suggestions to making every day a commemoration for you on your twice exceptional journey:
Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements you say to yourself (inside your head or aloud) that help you shift your mindset. Twice Exceptional people typically have a hard time with this strategy because of perfectionism, emotional intensity, or years of negative feedback. But just for kicks and giggles, try one of these before you get out of bed in the morning, while brushing your teeth, or before you go to sleep at night:
- I am unique and I love that about me
- I care so deeply
- I love my brain
- I crack myself up
- I try so hard
Research has shown that using daily positive affirmations can actually create new pathways in the brain, reduce stress, and activate the brain’s reward center – associated with positive self-view and self-competence.
Kindness to Others
Day-long, week-long, and month-long celebrations that acknowledge diverse populations and experiences serve to educate and validate. They make us feel good because someone notices us and makes us feel important and worthy. You know what feels even better than that? When you can acknowledge others. Get out there and volunteer, or commit to saying something kind to three people, or just pull away from your own concerns and notice someone and say “hi.” Philanthropy in whatever way you choose to do it can give you a profound sense of purpose and belonging. You may choose to do something for someone else within your neurodiverse community, or elsewhere. Either way you are demonstrating how neurodiversity in the world – just by the function of doing your good deed – is a much needed and celebrated population.
Kindness to Self
You may be thinking, “Wait, didn’t she already write about positive affirmations?” Yes, yes, I did. However, kindness to self is much bigger than that and is so important as a way to truly celebrate you! Whether you are a 2e parent, a 2e adult, teacher, or other professional, ask yourself how can you be kind to yourself? Likely there are things to stop doing, and other efforts you can begin. For instance, if you are hard on yourself about something you said or did, can you reframe it and think of it as a learning moment? If you regret a parenting moment, can you role model to demonstrate to your child how to apologize, or how to use self-reflection to make a change?
Can you decrease negative self-talk and increase positive self-talk? Are you able to focus on things that are truly meaningful to you? Can you spend time with someone you feel truly gets you? Can you indulge a little – get a massage, eat an ice cream cone, spend time doing a hobby?
Daily injections of affirmations, kindness to others, and kindness to yourself is a cure to the hamster wheel of seeking meaningful connections and acknowledgment of your true self. Every day can be a “holiday” of you being you – all you have to do is show up!
Author: Julie F. Skolnick M.A., J.D.
Julie Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the Founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, through which she passionately guides parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors 2e adults, and collaborates with and advises educators and professionals on bringing out the best and raising self-confidence in their students and clients.